The No-Cry Nap Solution

Do we really need an entire book devoted entirely to the subject of naps?

I wouldn't have thought so, until I picked up The No-Cry Nap Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley. After reading the first two chapters describing how important naps are to a child's health, mood, and happiness, I couldn't wait to read on and learn some strategies for helping my daughter hang on to her nap as long as possible.

My little girl is two, and family activities sometimes interfere with her nap time. When this happens, she always makes it through the day and simply falls asleep earlier than usual at night. No big deal, right? Except for one thing: by early evening she is bouncing off the walls.

According to this book, a two-year-old generally can only stay comfortably awake for five to seven hours before biologically craving sleep. Newborn babies can't tolerate more than a couple of hours, while a six-year-old might last all day without needing a rest. The pressure that builds up when children are forced to stay awake longer than their bodies want to is called "homeostatic sleep pressure." Pantley has her own term for it: "The Volcano Effect."

After the first section's practical information on sleep and naps, Part 2 of the book specifically addresses newborn babies. This topic certainly deserves its own section because, as the author points out: "The actions we take with our newborn babies set the stage for good napping habits later."

The remainder of the book comprises Part 3, "Solving Napping Problems: Customized Solutions for Your Family." If you have a nap problem in your household, it is probably addressed here, accompanied by a variety of strategies --not just a "one-size-fits-all" solution--to help you resolve the issue.

As someone who is past the baby stage and whose youngest child takes a good nap almost every day, I didn't find every chapter to be relevant to my life. (Although I must say, this book would have come in awfully handy a few years ago!) Yet, aside from being convinced to protect my daughter's nap time, I was also intrigued by the idea of incorporating a "hush hour" in the afternoon for my older children--and myself. We all have a natural drop in energy in the middle of the day. Maybe instead of fighting it, we should all just retreat to our own quiet corners to rest and rejuvenate for a bit.

Doesn't that sound enticing? Siesta, anyone?

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

Most parents, doctors, and parenting experts agree on one thing: babies and children need to get enough sleep.

However, there's plenty of hearty disagreement surrounding the details of how and where they should sleep.

As a brand-new parent it's hard to know what to believe and which method to follow. It's not much easier to listen to your gut, which can give you advice that is every bit as conflicting as the plethora of baby sleep books.

In the end, I believe parents have to find their own way. It may be a long and winding road, but eventually, you'll figure out what works best for your family.

If you want to start down that winding road with a book, I'd recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. I really wish I would have gotten my hands on a copy of this book years ago, but I was glad to find it before my third child was born. It is thorough, practical, research-based, reassuring, and easy to read.

Instead of just presenting one method, Dr. Weissbluth writes, "There are many ways to help your child sleep. You should choose the solution that works best for you and your child."

He discusses a variety of sleep strategies, along with the importance of healthy sleep, how much babies and children need at different ages, the stages of sleep, specific problems and solutions, and how temperament affects sleep.

All in all, I found this to be the most useful and balanced of all the books I have read about children's sleep. (And let me tell you, I've read many, many books about children's sleep.)

The No-Cry Discipline Solution

The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears
by Elizabeth Pantley

I’ve always been wary of any parenting “expert” who recommends a one-size-fits-all solution to discipline issues. That’s why I like Elizabeth Pantley’s books so much. She gives great ideas and guidelines, but she acknowledges that parents know their own children best, and that no two kids are alike. As a mother of four with her oldest in college, she has the experience and the perspective to guide parents through the years of tantrums, whining and sleep issues while keeping the big picture in mind.

Pantley’s approach is gentle and respectful toward both children and parents. Besides just correcting the immediate behavior, she feels that the goal and purpose of discipline also includes teaching a lesson, giving the child tools that build self-discipline and emotional control, and building the parent/child relationship.

The book begins by focusing on some essential parenting attitudes and ways to build a strong foundation: ideas for how to relax, enjoy the time with your children more, keep things in perspective and focus on what’s important.

Next, Pantley encourages parents to start by solving the real problem causing the misbehavior. By being more aware of these triggers and using some of her suggested methods to improve cooperation, many behavior problems can be avoided the first place. One of my favorite ideas is to make inanimate objects “talk” to the child. Not only is your kid more likely to cooperate, it also puts both of you in a better mood. It’s almost impossible not to smile while making a pair of shoes ask, “Please, may I go on your feet?”

A sense of humor is certainly helpful, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s just not there. Instead of laughing, we find ourselves yelling: “For crying out loud, hold still and let me put your shoes on!” Feeling angry toward our precious children is completely normal, yet it doesn’t exactly help us teach them about emotional control. Pantley devotes several chapters to the causes and consequences of parental anger, a topic that is rarely covered so honestly and thoroughly in parenting literature. She includes a number of helpful tips for managing anger and reducing anger-inducing situations.

The last section of the book lists more than 30 of the most common behavior problems. Pantley addresses some of the reasons for each behavior, then offers ideas for what to do and what not to do in response.

I guarantee I’ll be referencing The No-Cry Discipline Solution again and again, whether it's for a specific behavior issue or just a dose of parental perspective.

Have you read The No-Cry Discipline Solution? If so, please post your comments!

The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life

The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life
by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

No woman has ever become a mother without being transformed by the experience. While there are many books out there about various aspects of parenting, The Mother Dance is about motherhood itself. I have read this book three times, originally during my first pregnancy, and most recently after the birth of my third child. I expect that as my children grow, I’ll pick the book up again to reference chapters that pertain to my current stage of motherhood.

Writing as both a mother and a psychologist, Harriet Lerner uses entertaining and insightful examples from her own life to illustrate her points. Although she is able to objectively analyze her past actions from a psychological perspective, her scholarly training and experience as a therapist did not stop her from acting irrationally at times with her own family. Parenting—and life—is a learning experience, a journey, and no one is exempt from making bad decisions, experiencing confusion, and just plain going through tough times.

With chapter titles like “Bringing the Baby Home and Other Hazards of Parenting,” “Will Your Child Become a Serial Killer?” and “Enough Guilt for Now, Thank You,” Lerner delves into the feelings of inadequacy, self-criticism and anxiety that accompany all parents. She takes the reader from pregnancy through her trials with two teenage boys, and finally to the empty nest. Along the way, she addresses many thought-provoking issues such as society’s view of a “good” mother, sibling relationships, how your past affects your parenting, and the struggles of working parents.

At times Lerner seems to be critical of moms who make the choice to stay at home full time. However, I really feel that her main criticism is toward the lack of choice women sometimes experience. She points out how, for many couples, inflexibility in the workplace hinders what could be a more equal division of parenting and breadwinner roles.

In my opinion, this book offers something for every mom. Even if you don’t relate to every part of the book, chances are you’ll recognize feelings, issues and struggles from your own experience.

Have you read The Mother Dance? If so, please post your comments!